Luncheon club dullness

Dorset Echo: Lunch club at village hall

Note that it's WEST Bexington residents only. East Bexington residents can go starve

Mystery smell dullness

Bournemouth Echo: Mystery smell noted over Bournemouth and Christchurch

Yeah, that'll be Poole

Fell in the river dullness

Reading Post: Woman falls in river

Happy ending: She's still there

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Celebrity pizza dullness

Han Cinema: South Korean celebrity buys pizza

Spotter's Badge: Terry

Shopping centre expansion dullness

Morley Observer: Shopping centre that got a new manager and a new retail liaison officer and one of those new-fangled 'coffee shops' that was visited by a celebrity has put its plans for expansion on public display

Dear the Morley Observer,

Don't ever stop.

Your pals at DNILN

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Nice copper dullness

Bromley News Shopper: Police officer nice to small boy

Despite my cynicism, this is actually a heartwarmer. A heartwarmer BUT NOT NEWS

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Newspaper name change dullness

South Wales Evening Post: South Wales Evening Post to change its name to South Wales Evening Post

Glad that's sorted.

Tree dullness

Brentwood Gazette: Tree 'looks a bit like a v-sign'

No. No it doesn't

Late night chip pan fire dullness

Wakefield Express: Like night follows day, late night craving for chips ends with house fire

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Bird spotting dullness

Hemel Today: Who's up for a high-octane road trip to see some birds?

Don't all rush at once

Albino Mole dullness

North Devon Journal: Man catches albino mole

Standard happy ending: He killed it and ate it*

*He didn't kill it and eat it

Helicopter dullness

Nottingham Post: Police helicopter spotted

Call the cops. No, wait...

Quiz night dullness

Watford Observer: Club holds quiz night

FISH AND CHIPS SUPPER KLAXON

Spotter's Badge: Jack

Dead seagull dullness

Dorset Echo: Seagull killed TO DEATH

TO DEATH

South Korean celebrity dullness

Han Cinema: Celebrity takes the train

Spotter's Badge: Terry